How to differentiate between Caring and Controlling?


Many people don’t know to differentiate between Caring and Controlling. There is a fine distinction between control and care in a relationship.

When someone decides what you will do, what you will eat, what you will wear, and where you will go is called control.

When you are in doubt about what to do, what to eat, what to wear, where to go; you don’t understand exactly which decision is the right one to take; Then giving priority to your choice, and desire, and helping to make a decision is called Care.

Some people do control, but they named it care.

Let me explain with a small example.

A girl from a middle-class family gets married into a rich family. People of in-laws cannot be said as bad people. Because they had no demand in the girl’s family. They are happy to have a bride.

The daughter steps into her in-laws’ house with a happy mind. Stepping into the in-law’s house, the girl was shocked. They decide what time to wake up in the morning, and what kind of clothes to wear. They decide what time to have breakfast when to go to father’s house, and how long to stay.


It doesn’t matter which food menu someone likes to eat or not, everyone needs to eat in-law’s selected menu.

When going to a party or going out, they also decide how to answer questions and what to wear.

Within a few months of marriage, the girl gasped. Returning to her father’s house, she told her parents about the problem. In her parent’s eyes, the groom’s family is the best family in the town and the groom is the best. Parents are not trying to understand that their daughter is being controlled in the name of care.

This story is fictional. But such an image is often shown in our society. We don’t know the difference between care and control. We think of control as care. The one who has more controlling power is said he/she loves more.

But this is a misconception. You can’t be happy in any relationship by controlling. After a few days of controlling the relationship, your partner will gasp. He /she will want to escape from the relationship.

Hope everyone now understands the difference between control and care.

Good luck to all.

The article was written by Farjana Akter.

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